haiz..i m back again..today..still not much diff leh..finished my FYP meeting den go buy drinks..after tat went to the lab tat dear is in..i went to talk to her..but she still talks to me without looking at me..haiz..den i ask her why her blog's title sound abit emo end up she shakes her head onli..always liktt dun tell me anything..hmm den at 12 her lesson starts again so went to 2034..i oso went there..but till 1+ i left for club le..went to find jw to talk..den talk till cry..i oso cant help it lor..haiz..coz if stay in lab somemore i really cant take it sia..coz i was sitting at the last row..n when she walks out of the lab..she jus walk pass me as if i m not there at all..cant she jus look at my n smile or wat ma?? haiz..i feel so invisible..so extra there..haiz..does she knows how i feel??

i really felt like letting her know..but..wat will happen after tat?? haiz..i dunno n i dun wan to take any risk at all..so confused..haiz..she wrote in her blog tat she thinks she is not the old her anymore..i oso feel i m not like myself anymore..the old me is always jking n laming ard one lor..but now?? i like everyday oso no mood do things..the onli thing i keep hoping is we can be ok again..den ard 4+ i went back to 2034 to look for her again..at 1st wan acc jw go collect his specs de..but dear say she not feeling well so i went to find her instead..i was worried..den reach there..the whole time she oso nv look at me once or talk to me lor..even her fren talked to me..she like treat me as invisible..tats wat i felt..is she trying to make me feel tired?? den i will leave her?? wats is she thinking abt all the time?? i really dun understand her sia..

nvm lets continue from where we stopped at..after she finished doing her things in the lab..she say she wan go back club do something..so we went back tgt..on the way she give me those very tired de feeling lor..i know she is tired la..but den reach club she like not tat tired liao..cant jump n run..infront of the others can liktt den infront of me why diff?? haiz..den we went home..we took mrt wif cch liying n sanee..den she read her book again..den when i wan put my hand ard her waist she somehow go stand abit further..i ask her stand nearer to the pole she refused..alrdy out of club le oso muz keep distance meh?? cch is vp leh..he oso nv liktt..haiz..he stand so close to liying lor..den nvm..on NEL we sit down den i got hold her hand awhile..yup really awhile onli..5 sec i think..or maybe abit more than tat..sadded..why will everything become liktt?? den reach hougang le we alight..den on the escalator going up n out of the station, i wanted to hold dear's hand..but she say she wan find her keys..so i help her lor..i tot after finding can hold her hand again..den when reach the top we see heavy rain..sian la..den i hold her umbrella for her..i made sure she wont kanna the rain coz she sick..den my tshirt was half wet alrdy..but nvm..den we took the shelter to her house..but as we r reaching the traffic light, she ask me go home 1st..coz she dun wan me to get sick oso..so i listen to her lor..but i stand there looking at her walk home..den as i was going to walk back le..the rain stopped..WTF la..even the weather wan make fun of me izzit?!?!?!?! AHHHH!!!! haiz..why liktt de..

hmm den jus now i msg her..she say she thinking abt things again..so i ask her wat she thinking abt..she nv reply..den after waiting for quite long i msg her again..i ask her whether she still thinking abt things anot..den i say dis few days i see her keep thinking den dun wan tell me wat izzit, makes me feel worry..but she replied she have been thinking for a few mths alrdy..i was very very worried la..den i ask her izzit something abt us anot..she nv reply..sometimes i jus hope she wont hide things from me..2 person tgt shld not keep secrets from each other de ma..she say i dun understand her enuff..but when i wan get to know her better..abt all the things she thinking abt..she dun tell me..liktt wat she wan me to do sia??? haiz..i msg her le..abt the things i felt..hope tat can help..but i scared she will ignore me more tml sia..wat to do?!?!?! think le wan cry again..i like so weak, always wan cry..haiz..useless minglei..haiz..maybe shld jus go die..den nth more to bother abt le..haiz..